This is something somebody came up with in a thread about the A’s being anonymous and boring over at Baseball Think Factory. It struck me as so much fun I’m going to do it for several teams, and with full rosters, but for now, these are my comments explaining what I know about a few selected members of the A’s lineup and pitching staff.

Ryan Sweeney - White Sox prospect that it feels like I’ve been hearing about since 1986, but honestly, that’s about all I know about him. He was hitting OK last I checked, but that was a while ago.

Kurt Suzuki - I love the name and keep wondering if he’s going to put KURT on the back of his jersey. I would. I actually noticed last year that there are about 10 catchers in baseball right now that can hit a lick, and he had a good chance to be one of them.

Jack Cust - Captain of the Three True Outcomes team. We all know him.

Emil Brown - Guy that really, really sucks. I mean, the Royals got rid of him.

Carlos Gonzalez - Centerpiece of the Haren package. Seems he’s holding his own in the majors, especially given plus defense. He’s real young, isn’t he? Like 22? … OK, I checked and yes, he’s 22, but no, he’s not holding his own, not with a .303 OBP.

Bobby Crosby - Guy that was hot business for about 10 minutes back in the 1940s, but he’s basically been injured and/or ineffective ever since. (I’ve since been informed that that was, in fact, Bing Crosby, not Bobby, that was famous in the 1940s. Of course I now realize that Bobby was hot business in the 1970s.)

Jack Hannahan - Like LIMA TIME!, I know Jack Hannahan is a position player and Joel Hanrahan is a pitcher, but that’s about all I know about either one of them. I know HANRAHAN was one of the pitchers on the Cubs in Ken Griffey Jr. Presents MLB on the SNES, along with the staff ace, DRIFTER. I think they were Mike Morgan and Jose Guzman, respecively… OK, I checked, and my memory serves. Man, I played the snot out of that game.

Wes Bankston - I know who this guy is because he turned into Frank Thomas in my last Mogul franchise. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a clue besides a vague ‘he was in the Rays system once, right?’

Brooks Conrad - There was a pretty strong FREE BROOKS CONRAD! campaign going on among BPro and some other sabermetric sorts for a year or two, while the Astros were demonstrating their lack of a foggy idea what a good baseball player looks like. So suffice to say I’m not surprised he’s in Oakland now.

Greg Smith - I don’t know who this guy is. Was he part of the Haren trade, too? I honestly don’t know. OK, I checked… yeah, he was.