Justin had his breakout week, while I was taken down by another unfortunate chain of events. This week has a couple of stumpers as well, but it’s all in a day’s work for an expert.

49ers (+10) at Seahawks

This game was already played, and you can say I’m just padding my record by going with the 49ers, but I actually did have them in this game since Tuesday. The Seahawks suck way too much to give 10 points to an opponent with any talent whatsoever, and Frank Gore may be stuck on a dead-end team, but he’s got talent. That said, taking the 49ers was a good way to start the week.

Cowboys (-4) at Falcons

This smells like one of Michael Vick’s 5-sack, 2-INT, 2-middle finger games. Dallas is out for blood after getting humiliated by Sean Payton, and who better to unleash some frustration on than a flaky Falcons squad with a beat-up backfield? Cowboys.

Brownies (+11.5) at Ravens

Not happening. Baltimore is a nightmare. If you thought that defense teed off on Big Ben a couple of weeks ago, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Note to Derek Anderson — invest in a decent life insurance policy before this game gets underway. Ravens.

Lions (+5.5) at Packers

With Kevin Jones on the shelf for the year, Detroit pretty much lives and dies by Roy Williams. Odds are they’ll die because Matt Millen is an idiot. Packers.

Texans (+11) at Patriots

OK, so the Patriots are cursed when playing Miami. Houston is not Miami, and 11 points is not enough. Now give me 12 (Genuflect.) and we’ll talk. Actually we won’t, I just wanted an excuse to say 12. (Genuflect.) Patriots.

Jaguars (-3) at Flaming Thumbtacks

I know, I know, “always pick the underdog in Jaguars games”. But Vince Young has to come back down to Earth eventually, and I think it’s time. Jags.

Dolphins (+1) at Bills

Hold on a second. You’re giving me points for that underrated defense? To use against J.P. Losman? What the hell, sign me up. Dolphins.

Jets (+3) at Vikings

Minnesota has a great run defense. Jersey/B doesn’t run the ball. I’ll take the better QB of the two. Jets.

Steelers (-3) at Panthers

IT’S WEINKE TIME!! Even with Ward and Polamalu banged up, the Steelers should have a field day as Carolina continues its frantic search for an identity.

Buccaneers (+13.5) at Bears

Big spread, bad team. Possibly the worst in the league. No offense, no defense, no chance. Bears in another Schedule Fairy-sponsored blowout.

Redskins (+9.5) at Saints

Not a chance, bub. For all intents and purposes the Deadskins have THE WORST pass defense in the NFL. Guess what the Saints are really, REALLY good at? Passing! Saints, big.

Broncos (-3) at Cardinals

The free-fall continues. Those of you who questioned my prophecy of Denver’s collapse five weeks ago (Justin included) — grab a spoon, it’s time to eat your words. Home team wins. Cardinals.

Eagles (+5) at Giants

This is the same Jersey/A that melted down and started a civil war not long ago. Eli has been competent for two games in a row. Good things come in threes. Therefore Eli is due for his collapse, because if he were to look good for a third straight game I fear the space-time fabric would rip and the universe would implode. Eagles.

Rams (+2.5) at Raiders

As dysfunctional as St. Louis is, they still have Torry freaking Holt. Besides, if you take away Devin Hester’s returns last week it was a pretty close game, which leads me to believe that the Rams aren’t as bad as some people say. Then again I guess it doesn’t take much to look decent in the NFC West. Anyway, the Raiders are a mess, defense or no defense. If you’re serious about giving me points against Aaron Brooks, there’s no way I can refuse. Rams.

Chiefs (+8) at Chargers

RIP LAMAR HUNT. The man that gave a name to the big game is gone, but not forgotten. All eyes will be on this game as countless fantasy leagues hang in the balance. For a lot of fantasy buffs, it’s not KC versus SD — it’s LJ versus LT. With a renewed sense of purpose, the Chiefs are going to be tough, even against that vaunted Chargers front seven. 8 points is a lot to give to Larry Johnson, and Martyball is always a possibility, so I’m taking the bait. Chiefs.

Bengals (+3.5) at Colts

Step right up! Gather round! Witness the stunning lack of defense! Be amazed as the Colts completely fail to stop the run! Gasp in shock as Cincinnati’s depleted secondary gets burned again and again! Marvel as the total score approaches three digits! Tickets here, get your tickets for the Dungy, Manning, Lewis and Palmer Circus here! Sheesh, maybe if I get tired of making the world look dumb with my sports expertise I can become a ringmaster. Anyway, the Colts are in the same free-fall mode as the Broncos, so even though I know Princess Peyton is going to light up one of the league’s worst pass defenses, I’ll take the Bengals and do what everyone else should do against the Colts: run.