This is the weak I kick the snot out of Bryan and all you other nay-sayers. 16-0… er… 15-1, here we come! (That’s because I wrote up my Ravens over Bengals pick on Wednesday, thus cursing the Ravens. I don’t mind that so much. I hate the Ravens.)

RAVENS (+3) AT BENGALS

I keep expecting the Bengals to jump back into the swing of things, and this is a classic trap game for the Ravens after destroying the Steelers in Baltimore.  The Ravens are rolling and can clinch the division right here.  Three points isn’t much, so I’m going to stay with the hot hand. Ravens.

CARDINALS (+6.5) AT RAMS

I don’t trust the Rams with 6.5, even at home, but then, they ARE at home, and this IS the Cardinals. Rams.

FALCONS (+1) AT REDSKINS

And to think I wrote an article earlier in the year praising Jim Mora Jr. for perfectly handling his offense. Looks like he got tired of Vick getting all the credit, or whatever, because he’s gone back to acting like a total idiot. Dude’s overmatched trying to coach in the NFL, especially a guy like Vick, who frankly just isn’t all that much of a competitor. I’m done drinking the Falcons’ Kool-Aid, and this is the week their season slides into oblivion. Look for lots of “Wow, Jason Campbell’s started 3-0, he’s good!” articles come Monday. Redskins.

LIONS (+13.5) AT PATRIOTS

The Patriots look just fine to me. Their offense is still off-kilter, assuming it’s not just another Belichickian ruse. Remember, this guy is the king of getting away with doing just barely enough to win. The Patriots always take care of business against bad teams, so whether they’ll beat the Lions isn’t really in question, but 13.5 points is a lot, and I don’t know if the Patriots will bother themselves to cover that spread. Lions.

COLTS (-7.5) AT FLAMING THUMBTACKS

You’ll see lots of True Believers in the Flaming Thumbtacks after the big comeback against New York. These will be the folks with serious attention deficit problems, the ones who forgot how bad the Flaming Thumbtacks sucked to get themselves into a 21-0 hole before the Giants helpfully flushed the game down the toilet. The Colts are going to blow them out, and you’re crazy if you think Ricky Proehl isn’t catching a touchdown pass.

CHIEFS (-5) AT BROWNIES

Just when you think the Chiefs might be a quality team, HERE COME THE BROWNS!!! No, not really. Larry Johnson owners are going to be very happy with their man’s performance this weekend. The Brownies continue to spin their wheels, the earth continues turning, time marches on, and I’m going to bed. Chiefs.

VIKINGS (+9) AT BEARS

The 2006 Bears are really starting to resemble the 2005 Bears. It could just be the Patriots defense, but it looks to me like it’s more they were over their heads earlier in the year and/or opposing defensive coordinators have a sufficient amount of film on Rex Grossman now (something they never had before because he spent the last 17 years on IR). A friend of mine pointed out that their problem is their best QB is on the bench. That’s true, but they’re in the same place the Steelers are: Their best QB may be on the bench, but since he can never get through two games without breaking a nail or something, what’s the point in playing him?

As for the Vikings, they’re cooked — Brad Johnson’s got nothing left, there isn’t enough talent around him to compensate, there are no other QBs on the roster any coach on the planet would voluntarily use, and the defense, excellent during the first half of the season, is wearing out from having to be on the field so much. I still think they’ll hang within 9 of the Bears. Vikings.

JETS (PICK) AT PACKERS

Justin: I don’t really have anything remotely interesting to say about either team. Oh, yes I do: Besides the Schedule Fairy, the Jets are 6-5 mainly because Chad Pennington has shocked us all by playing every game. Home Team Wins. Packers.

CHARGERS (-6) AT BILLS

The Chargers are the best team in football, and Martyball Mania doesn’t start until January. The Bills offense can only create the ruse of competence when McGahee runs for 180 yards, and that ain’t happening against the Chargers. Look for 4 interceptions from Loserman here and a Chargers romp. P.S. Tomlinson’s going to have a disappointing week somewhere along the line here and knock all his fantasy owners out of the playoffs. Happens every year. No Tomlinson team’s ever won a fantasy championship, I don’t think.

49ERS (+7) AT SAINTS

The Saints still look legit to me, at least any time they don’t face offenses that have speed. The 49ers don’t have speed. Saints.

JAGUARS (PICK) AT DOLPHINS
My eerie string of correctly picking Jaguars games is broken. Boy, do they just play like they don’t care sometimes. I agree with Vegas on this one: Your guess is as good as mine. It says here that Home Team Wins. Dolphins.

TEXANS (+3) AT RAIDERS

Ladies and gentlemen, the Toilet Bowl! CARR! BROOKS! IT’S THE NFL ON NBC!!! These teams both royally suck. But since the Raiders are good at one thing — defense — while the Texans suck at everything including basic coffee-maker repair, and the Raiders are at home… well… Raiders.

COWBOYS (-3.5) AT GIANTS

Now, be careful here, kids. Eli Manning has burned Dallas’ keisters off more than once, despite usually ranking among the worst QBs in the NFL. This game’s going to tell me everything I want to know about the Cowboys. The Giants are really banged up by injuries, they’re teetering on the brink of open war against the coach, everyone’s slowly coming to the realization that their quarterback sucks… if Dallas is really a championship contender, they need to emphatically whip the Giants. If they come out flat and the Giants beat them, I’m writing off the Cowboys. If the Cowboys take care of business like they should, I’m betting heavily on them to win the NFC. Cowboys.

BUCCANEERS (+7) AT STEELERS

Ho-hum. So the Steelers, fresh off absolutely getting the snot kicked out of them by Baltimore to the tune of NINE sacks and 27-0, are seven point favorites against the Buccaneers. How freakin’ bad ARE the Buccaneers? For those of you who missed the carjacking that was Ravens-Steelers, let me recap and bring you up to speed: The Steelers played like they just plain didn’t give a crap. They played like the Oakland Raiders on a heavy dose of Valium. The o-line, the entire defense, the quarterback, even Hines freakin’ Ward — they just didn’t give a crap. Don’t know about you, but that smells an awful lot like a team that’s collectively decided to mail in the rest of the year. The Buccaneers really stink, but at least Chucky has a vague idea of what he’s doing. Put your money on a bad team before a team that just doesn’t care, any day of the week and twice on Sunday.BUT! But Bill Cowher’s coaching for his job now. No, not his current job, his next job. So I fully expect him to have the Steelers going hard most of the rest of their games, and so they should be able to manhandle the Buccaneers. Steelers.

SEAHAWKS (+3.5) AT BRONCOS

Why exactly in the world you make a QB change at this point in the season, in the middle of a playoff race, is just going to have to be a question for the philosophers. Speaking of philosophers, it’s Holmgren and Shanahan! Don’t miss this thrilling chess match as the world waits on the edge of its seat to see who can out-think himself worse than the other! It says here Home Team Wins, and that goes triple when the home team happens to be the Denver Broncos. I don’t know what Cutler’s going to do — Cutler sucks, so 14-31 with 3 interceptions sounds entirely attainable if the Broncos fall behind — but it’s a good bet Shanny might experiment to see if he can win a football game with fewer than 10 pass attempts. I wouldn’t be shocked if Cutler played so badly that they went right back to Jake the Flake, but it’s doubtful he’s going to get the chance. The Seahawks are the second-best team in the NFC by virtue of being thoroughly mediocre. Broncos.

PANTHERS (-3) AT EAGLES

The Eagles actually played pretty well against the Colts, except they can’t stop the run. That’s no problem against the Panthers, though; the Panthers have been having problems running the ball even in the NFC South, where it’s apparently forbidden to have a competent run defense. Playing well against the Colts “defense” is one thing, but Team Garcia is likely to make Panthers D fantasy owners happy. Panthers.